Turning point- Athens

June 21, 2012

                Throughout my time in the maternity ward there has always been the same beautiful woman in bed 10. I’ve never known her name and I’ve never fully understood why she was in the hospital for so long. What I do know is that this is her first pregnancy, she has poly-something (to much amniotic fluid) and we had to drain 500cc off her. She was always in her bed with her medications laid out waiting for me when I came around at 5am and she had the most beautiful smile when she greeted me. From the way she was built I would have to say that she about 18-20 years old, but no one around here really knows their true age.

                She went into labor before I got to work. When I checked her progress she was 2cm dilated. She stayed in her bed and labored until about 1 am when we moved her to the delivery room she was 5 cm. Her water still hadn’t broke so Jo got out a internal fetal heart monitor that is normally screwed into the baby’s head hooked up to monitor but they don’t have a monitor so they just use the screw tip to pop the women’s water. When Jo finally broke her water it rushed out so far it seriously looked like the rapids. I’m pretty sure my month was hanging open in awe of home much and how fast it all came out. Jo had to jump back because there was so much. But not before it drenched the front of him.

                She progressed slowly and by 4 am she was finally 10 cm and I could see that head just by spreading the labia. She strained for about an hour pushing with everything she had and finally at 5:15 am the most beautiful boy was born. As I clamped the cord and began to suction the baby was flaccid, no crying, and cyanotic. I suctioned more and tried to stimulate the baby.

Within seconds Jo grabbed the ambu bag and started CPR. I don’t know if he even knew what he was doing, he just started pumping air in rapidly and by the way the chest wasn’t moving I knew that nothing was getting in. I pushed him out of the way checked for a pulse and lifted the chin and began again. The time there was movement I went to do chest compressions and as I pushed down I could feel the babies rib bow with every thrust and I thought I was going to snap each one of them. (I’ve never done CPR on a baby). I checked for a pulse again there was nothing…. More air…more chest compressions…..more suction….more anything!!!! Nothing was helping.

I’ve never been in a situation like this. You read about what your suppose to do in nursing school, but never really get to experience it. In my mind I kept thinking about what the next step would be…intubation….monitor….oxygen… This is Africa, there is NOTHING! If only we had some equipment we could have seen this coming.

I knew coming here I would see death.

I knew coming here I would be faced with a scary unknown.

I knew I would have to go outside my well organized, clean, safe and time oriented bubble.

I knew I would have to stand on my own knowing the only way I would ever make it through this year would be to rely on God to pull me through.

What I wasn’t ready for was the sight of what should have been a happy new mother sitting in the maternity ward with a  brand new baby, but instead this women was babyless crying curled up on a mattress bed surrounded by a whole room of happy health mothers and babies all starring at her.

It broke my heart in a million different ways and I wanted nothing more than to rewind time and try again.

June 29, 2012

Today this lady came back to the hospital and I was able to spend some time with her while she talked to the doctor (Danae). I about burst into tears as soon as I realized who she was. Danae was able to tell me alittle bit about this women. Her name is Beatrice and she thinks she is 19 years old. Her husband left her before the baby was born and the reason she was in the hospital for long is because she had nowhere else to go. I was having a really hard time keeping it together while I was listening to how horrible this young girls life is. This baby was the last thing she had of her husband and I tried so hard not to blame myself for ruining that for her but its hard not to when you know that if only we were some other country we could have the equipment we need that could have saved this babies life.

 It felt so good to just sit together and to see her smile